2ndGeneration
2009-01-16 06:12:52 UTC
Hi everyone. This is my first post. After searching relentlessly for a
message board for ex-moonies, I finally came across this group. Thank
goodness!
I'm a 23 year old 2nd gen, born and raised all brainwashed and what
not. My parents are active members, as well as some of my siblings,
but I consider myself to be an ex-moonie. I have a huge load of
emotional scars (i think most ex-moonies do), a big interesting story
to tell (especially from the BC stand point), but that isn't what I
want to discuss at the moment. I have a time sensitive dilemma.
My family doesn't know I'm an ex-moonie. None of my contacts and BC's
in the church know I'm an ex-moonie. I've been hiding it for 5 years.
I've always tried so hard to please them and stay true to myself, so
I've been hiding it steel tight within me, but I'm at this point where
I can not postpone any longer. i've dug myself in a tremendously large
hole. Now, due to circumstances which i will explain, i have come to
the point in my life that I have been dreading where I need to reveal
myself to my parents.
My parents are desperately trying to get me matched. ever since
reverend moon said the "ideal window" for the blessing is between
17-23, my parents have been pestering me since middle school. unlike
less active members of the church, my parents are very very strict to
the rules. To give you a sense of just how devoted they are, they were
so desperate to get me to go to STF that at the end of high school
they kidnapped me from an airport and drove me to the STF starting
workshop, pretended to be me in a letter that withdrew my acceptance
into college, and told me that all of my college funds would be
withheld if i didn't go. This is just one of many examples of simply
how they extreme they are to make sure i do what reverend moon says.
Thats one reason Ive been hiding it. My parents are so extreme. I dont
want them to kick me out of the family, use harsh tactics to try to
make my life too miserable without them, and even worse, I don't want
them to kidnap me again and send me somewhere.
Another reason is that my younger brother announced his disbelief in
the church. He was kicked out, and I see the way they treat him and
ostracize him, and I also see just how hurt my parents are, thinking
that he will rot in hell, trying to convince themselves there is still
something they can do to bring him back. Its all so terrible.
Back to the topic of the blessing. The reason why I must reveal my
true self to my parents very soon is because they are dead set on
getting me matched to a specific young man. My parents talked to the
parents of this young man and again, posing as me, told the family I
was interested and that I wanted to start communicating and to start
the process. I didn't find out about all this or the guy until about a
month ago, when my mother accidently forwarded me a chain of
correspondence emails, thinking it was just one email. What I used to
do is say silly things like "Ugh, he has a weird nose" or "I'm too
busy with school work to even think about guys now!" and too much time
elapses where my parents are waiting for my response and the guy's
family becomes disinterested. But they are pressuring me like never
before, they are pushing me in a little corner, and when i told my
mother I outright disliked the young man, she didnt flinch and kept
pressuring me to fill out these forms. She has set the deadline for
these forms to be done the 31st of January, the day after I take my
MCAT exam (which is my only saving cover right now).
I feel I am out of excuses, and there is no way to smart talk my way
out of this.
What's even worse, I have a boyfriend (of 2 years), which my parents
also don't know about.
Any advice as to how I should proceed would be great. Resources as
well. Is there anything I can do to protect myself from being
kidnapped? They know where I live. Also, if anyone here is a 2nd gen
ex-BC, please please contact me.
message board for ex-moonies, I finally came across this group. Thank
goodness!
I'm a 23 year old 2nd gen, born and raised all brainwashed and what
not. My parents are active members, as well as some of my siblings,
but I consider myself to be an ex-moonie. I have a huge load of
emotional scars (i think most ex-moonies do), a big interesting story
to tell (especially from the BC stand point), but that isn't what I
want to discuss at the moment. I have a time sensitive dilemma.
My family doesn't know I'm an ex-moonie. None of my contacts and BC's
in the church know I'm an ex-moonie. I've been hiding it for 5 years.
I've always tried so hard to please them and stay true to myself, so
I've been hiding it steel tight within me, but I'm at this point where
I can not postpone any longer. i've dug myself in a tremendously large
hole. Now, due to circumstances which i will explain, i have come to
the point in my life that I have been dreading where I need to reveal
myself to my parents.
My parents are desperately trying to get me matched. ever since
reverend moon said the "ideal window" for the blessing is between
17-23, my parents have been pestering me since middle school. unlike
less active members of the church, my parents are very very strict to
the rules. To give you a sense of just how devoted they are, they were
so desperate to get me to go to STF that at the end of high school
they kidnapped me from an airport and drove me to the STF starting
workshop, pretended to be me in a letter that withdrew my acceptance
into college, and told me that all of my college funds would be
withheld if i didn't go. This is just one of many examples of simply
how they extreme they are to make sure i do what reverend moon says.
Thats one reason Ive been hiding it. My parents are so extreme. I dont
want them to kick me out of the family, use harsh tactics to try to
make my life too miserable without them, and even worse, I don't want
them to kidnap me again and send me somewhere.
Another reason is that my younger brother announced his disbelief in
the church. He was kicked out, and I see the way they treat him and
ostracize him, and I also see just how hurt my parents are, thinking
that he will rot in hell, trying to convince themselves there is still
something they can do to bring him back. Its all so terrible.
Back to the topic of the blessing. The reason why I must reveal my
true self to my parents very soon is because they are dead set on
getting me matched to a specific young man. My parents talked to the
parents of this young man and again, posing as me, told the family I
was interested and that I wanted to start communicating and to start
the process. I didn't find out about all this or the guy until about a
month ago, when my mother accidently forwarded me a chain of
correspondence emails, thinking it was just one email. What I used to
do is say silly things like "Ugh, he has a weird nose" or "I'm too
busy with school work to even think about guys now!" and too much time
elapses where my parents are waiting for my response and the guy's
family becomes disinterested. But they are pressuring me like never
before, they are pushing me in a little corner, and when i told my
mother I outright disliked the young man, she didnt flinch and kept
pressuring me to fill out these forms. She has set the deadline for
these forms to be done the 31st of January, the day after I take my
MCAT exam (which is my only saving cover right now).
I feel I am out of excuses, and there is no way to smart talk my way
out of this.
What's even worse, I have a boyfriend (of 2 years), which my parents
also don't know about.
Any advice as to how I should proceed would be great. Resources as
well. Is there anything I can do to protect myself from being
kidnapped? They know where I live. Also, if anyone here is a 2nd gen
ex-BC, please please contact me.